Episode 3 Toxic positivity ...the theft of humanity Script for TEMP

 

Hello Guys and welcome Back to Timothy's Empowerment Podcast

TOXIC POSITIVITY 

WHAT is it ?

it is the illusion that everything is perfect 

sure , things can be great but not all the times 

there will be some low periods

so when Positivity become Toxic !!!!

when you use it to hide from reality ....(in fact you arent positive when you do this)

and saddness just happens to be part of reality so if you use it to hide from problems

you are lying && hurting yourself

should you stay in a very negative position?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

But you should accept that and from that point try to solve the problem 

you see the problem with "chasing happiness" is that you subcommunicate to yourself that you arent happy already ...so from this level say that you have happiness(no matter what level)and move towards Greater JOY!!!  thats when you will see results

I am going to make an episode ,am sure each and everybody can relate to at some point in their lives during a hard period.

Have you ever been buried in an issue ?

so deep that you felt that you would never solve it

you even looked for techniques online but it only seems to make the issue worse

So you turn to someone who you think will help You

but You get the *Normal response*

..............................................................................................................................................

"You are Growing Up"

"You are just so emotional"

"Just Think Happy Thoughts"

"Just Relax"

"It aint that bad"

"Stay Positive"

"What have You got to be sad about ?"

"Love Yourself !"

..............................................................................................................................................

You see this advice is great and helpful but you see by the time the person came to you 

Their Brains have these words stored in there

and it probably told them these words

So telling them this wont  help even if you would love to help them soo Much

So what should you do instead ?

Listen ..!

Yes ,its that simple yet so difficult because as humans we love to solve problems right away (lil more for the men)but women can also do the same thing

instead of  rushing in to provide the *Ulimate solution* how about you lead the other person to the point where they reach that *Ulimate solution*  based on their true values ...so will appreciate themselves and believe in themselves ..just know that all these will be Emotional Points that you will be earning for the relationship you have with the other person

the person will think so and so helped me yet in fact they helped themselves(you just directed them towards a solution best fitting for them) and the decision they made will most likely  be followed  since they made it up themselves 

 so dont worry about we shall discuss how to help someone without being toxic positive 

People are more good at solving their problems than You ever realise

Try to remember a time when you were expressing yourself to someone 

and they just sat there and listened

and you felt listened to ....heard and acknowledged

remember how much you poured out

how you even expressed things you didnt think bothered You

till eventually you actually reached a point and said "hey ...Look ...i will be do this thing next time .. its okay where i am right now .. i shouldnt be so hard on myself" then You brushed off the dust that was weighed you down and moved on with Life

you see it seems weird but when a human reaches to a point on their own, they appreciate it.

when someone decides to do something with alot of emotion..they do  it more powerfully

than when they  just hear it from someone else 

i can give u all the inspiring words and quotes even Body Language Techniques

but i can never  actually make you confident until you decide to take action and become confident until You decide am going to be *CONFIDENT*

Because what you learn alone ..You will forget a lil bit less than when  someone teaches you  

all i can do is just tell you that you can be confident...make you believe that you are  and the moment you believe it

it comes to pass and you become confident 

Yes ....the ability to be confident lies within you 

You cant help anyone

You can only inspire them ...i will get on to how to do that but first i will share a little story with you

              

I usually tell my sister about what i have discovered about dating and relationships

yes , she does listen dont get me wrong

But when she did the same research on her own 

she embodied all the info ...LOL some of what i had already told her 

so from my example.. take it that when someone does something on their own 

they will embody it

But get me right here when i say this.......

Yes You can help someone by giving them advice 

But there is a even better method to get in touch with them

One that will actually make them feel more Confident 

and thats Deep Listening 

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this idea came from "7 Habits of Highly Effective People" :)its a great Book and i cant recommend it enough...

     Lets say you have eye problems , alright

So you go to a eye doctor and tell them that

so he gives  u his pair of glasses and tells you to wear them

but nothing changes

and you say "Sir, Nothing has changed"

But he insists ..."try harder ,You aren't trying so hard enough , just be more positive"

You do so and nothing changes

Tell me would You want to go back there 

:( Probably guessing Nooo

why?

he didnt even understand the problem with your eyes before he gave his glasses

and when he gave you his glasses

the issue didnt go away

Guess what that is exactly what "Toxic Positive Advice Looks Like"

You wear  the glasses but the issue persists

so how do we help others or ourselves in deep constructive ways

 This is what it looks like .....

*Every Time .. a person comes to you to vent ...keep in mind that they have come for your opinon , attention&&validation  and care but most importantly (attention n validation)*

so treat them kindly

with that mind

lets move on 

Lets give a real life scenario in which we can all relate to 

and the one i love preaching the most about 

HEART BREAKS

bcz it is a serious issue that people take lightly 

People can take their lives bcz of that

So take caution near people in that state

Below are Conversation examples that can give an idea of what deep listening might look like...

[i will try ]

1; hey ..man i want to vent out  .

2;no worries man...I'm here for you <<< very powerful statement

1;Yesterday ...Lisa broke up with me and i feel like a loser

2;oh men, thats sad , im sure it sucks...i am sure you will miss her

1; yes it does (2)....(probably sobs) i will miss her...

2;so what happened?

1;i am not sure at all , what i did wrong (2)......she just started acting all weird then this text arrived

2; ohh sorry ..i know females can be pretty confusing

1;yes (2) idk what to do .... 

2; well, i will say i have been in your shoes and i know how painful it is to wear them but you see (1) if you keep here,  you might be preventing yourself from meeting more amazing people who might be available

1; yes i k that but i miss Lisa

2; thats okay (1)....but always know that i love You Bro and always want you to be Happy

i would suggest you take a break to heal yourself 

1;yo right so how does one heal himself

2; Pick up a new hobby ...Play a New Video Game ...or Catch up with friends and have a great Time

1;yah but am too sad to do that 

2;dont worry ...we shall have fun together and anytime you feel something is bothering you 

tell me am all ears

so whenever 1 gets sad ...2 just listens and suggests what he thinks might help

thats all you do

listen then suggest

now that we have dealt with a relationship that wasnt particulary toxic now lets go *TOXIC*

Jay(J):Carl me and Jessica broke up yesterday

Carl(C):ohh thats terrible ...i bet you feel miserable

J; yes i do and i dont know what to do

C; ikr you feel lost

J;yes ..it feels like shes the only dime i can get 

C;*sigh*what did she do?

J;she cheated on me with Johnson and when i asked why she did it ..she said "hes better in bed than you"....then she broke up with me 

C; sorry :( man thats really harsh of someone to say ....but were you really happy in that relationship?

J; no, the sex was terrible and she made me do things that i didnt want to do

C; ooof and you faced this all alone

J; yeeah *sigh*

C; during this period, dont be hard on yourself but always remember that LOve should never be a reason to tolerate disrespect... and that you are worthy of respect

J; Yeah C.....

C;dont worry ...we can have fun together and anytime you feel something is bothering you ,just tell me, am all ears!!

J;alright C

I know these might not be an accurate description of what Deep Listening looks like 

but it gives what the image looks like

it is what i do 

since i discovered that just pouring advice doesnt work as much

So LISTEN  DEEPLY ..acknowledge the saddness they are feeling 

until the person stops thats when you know he is ready to hear, what you might have  to say

thats when you remind the individual how much they mean to you and how amazing they are and how much you believe in them to overcome this hump

and tell them to appreciate the healing they will go through (just chilling and letting off steam)

and tell them You will always be there for them

if the person as he is venting out fails to come up with a solution

you can suggest what they can do

emphasize that you are suggesting

coz thats when it really enters

when he is thinking of what to do 

he will think ...ha so n so said this i should try it out 

and come up with a solution based off your idea , he could ever impress you and make it better than you expect

:) You will be providing a listening ear till some day 

all you will be hearing is how the person is grateful for life

and all those are points for your relationship

even if you fail to provide spefic advice for the prob

the fact that you cared and wanted the person to be okay will help them more than you think so relaaaxx

At times people dont need words to feel better...they just need to feel cared for 

to feel better so provide that alot better if you can provide BOTH coz sometimes someone will come for words ...but still dont forget to acknowledge their feelings

Dont be toxic positvite>>dismissing/squeezing their feelings in hopes of helping them

bcz it doesnt bcz the person might soon start acting "okay" so they dont cause you to worry 

so when someone comes to vent out to you

pay attention to them and what i have said in this episode and you will be helping people become greater versions of themselves

same applies to u

dont let urself suffer with a smile

get help

or vent out to a friend

have fun

but always be true to urself and express urself

when u feel sad ...do what makes u smile  

if that fails

:)human beings can really help lift the burden off ur shoulders just go ahead and do it

tell them whats up(ofc the ones that you think will want to help)

0-100% !!!! start to finish !!!! 

and as you do so 

u will release babbage u didnt know you were carrying

u might actually solve your own problem as you try to express it(as you use mental energy to explain what you can do ...or currently whats up)

u will even get a deeper bond with the person u are venting to

or even learn something new from them or learn something about them

but never allow urself to sit there with Pain

trust me i did it 

and i can feel the effect of bottling up but day after day

the effect reduces 

so dont be toxic positive to yourself or others

so we can make this planet a better place

I LOVE YOU 

GOD LOVES YOU 

AND YOU WANTS YOU TO KNOW THAT IT IS ...OKAY TO CRY

FOR HE PROMISES TO ANSWER THE PRAYERS OF THOSE  CRY ONTO HIM FOR HELP

HE WILL LEAVE THE 99 SHEEEP TO GET THE ONE LOST SHEEEP

for he knows the value of the loss of one sheep

you are that one sheep

and you are valuable

even though life is hard rn

 know that he is looking for you 

to add to his flock of 99 sheep

stop telling people to stop crying 

tell them to believe that they can make it regardless of their hardhships

BYEEEEEEE

LOVE YOU ALL AND WILL SEE YOU IN THE NEXT EPISODE OF TTTEEEEEEEEMMMMPPP