The Unrealistic Masculine Image that Causes suicide or on good terms Depression.
I don't hide anything on my blog, I guess this is a place I get to share deep messages with the world, and am okay with whatever you might say or do after reading it.
All my messages are real human experiences embedded with wonderful lessons I wish I learned earlier or wish other humans learnt too.
Growing up, I wasn't so close to dad or my bigger brother , my brother was in highschool at the time and when he came home he wasn't so available , he liked hanging out with his friends.
Dad and I grew apart during a silent fight,that eventually destroyed the connection I had with him anyway that's a story for another post, what I want to talk about is the poison I drank during one of the darkest times in my life.
I was rejected by a girl, I adored and it hurt like hell,so I shut the fuck up and try to learn how to be a man.So that's exactly what I did , tried to learn how to be a man,I read as many books or watched as many videos I could on the topic.
Left and right, I consumed content ,it was meant to help me but not going to lie that shit made me more depressed.
All these videos did was describe how much of a loser I was , how much women wouldn't find me attractive and how women get rid of men when they get tired of them. Day in and day out, that's all I heard , I slowly by slowly started to think "yo am the man, am masculine, I don't need no body, I can do it all on own"
All this did, was kill parts of me that hold the most value, the parts of me that love, I took pride in how much I cared for others but over time, I resented myself for it.
I resented myself for being nice, caring too much, talking too much , checking on people basically being a good human being. Its so wonderful how these men who know nothing about me or nevee cared about me had so much power over me and I felt like I was being preached to the Gospel truth.
I was faced head on with the fact that I was going to be left over and again because I care so much and love so much so in response I began to numb myself to those parts of me.
So I did numb myself, along the way I met a girl who really loved spending time with me so when these emotional openings came up I resisted it because I was told that women hate men who get emotional and will leave them for stronger men(who aren't so emotional),so whenever that time to get emotional came up, I pushed it away so she could see me this non needy very value male and will never try to leave me.
So I "became" that high value male,I was emotional unavailable and I was always busy on my purpose, I was always trying to get better at code while silently avoiding the pain I was going through, ignoring it because I'm the man, right.
Whenever she openly displayed how much she loved me but I resisted it in the hopes of not being emotional or seen like that.
Slowly by slowly that image of a busy guy got stuck in her head.
Not going to lie , i didn't feel connected to her because of all the silly games I played.
So I decided to emotionally connect with her by being more vulnerable and that attempt failed miserably.
So what do you think I took this as , you should never be vulnerable ,Yes....
Did that belief change.?....We shall find that out...
Let me spit the Gospel truth that his men showed me:
0. Never show that you like/love a woman
1. Marriage is a trap for all men
2. Never show a woman that you are upset by your emotions
3. Never get so emotionally invested with her
4. Never let your guard down to spill how you feel
5. Never tell her everything about you
6. Never allow to do what she says , she will see you are weak
7. Don't be so Available for you, she will get tired of you.
8. When one leaves you, replace quickly to show her yo okay without her.
9. Let her be the one to text you first.
10. Let her do all the chasing.
Is this information valuable, in my opinion its true but over kill and ceases to look human.
I wish not to debunk one by one, but in summary, by the time you have to twist yourself so much , you won't feel so great in that relationship and the other person has nothing but a false image to admire , the day that false image shatters so does the attraction built, are you going to be that harsh?.
So by placing your best foot forward you get to see straight those who will not appreciate that, and that's okay but you will also see those who appreciate it.
So playing mind games and running mouse and cat games are a complete waste of time that you could be using perfecting yourself for the one will appreciate you, all these games Won't be fun, you will not feel like playing them because the other person won't be running or jumping to make drama be clause it won't be necessary.
However like I said best foot forward not average foot , so if you put your best out there that should be enough to get what you desire to get.
Putting your best foot shouldn't cut those human parts of you , they should be all there in the best way they can be while staying authentic in the process which is what hard to do.
Life isn't easy, everyone knows that Humans don't move so easily as we are told we do or should.
We roll over challenges and over come them, we dont just snap them away.
Every hero goes through Dark times and in that time, he courageously overcomes challenges and then becomes victorious, he just doesn't jump , jump and finish the challenge🙅that's not fun at all , it will look fun but eventually will get boring but getting beat down and like remembering why he did all his training or why he does what he does and gets motivated to attack, that feels human and very interesting.
Anyone who tells you that there is a finger snap away to solve true pain is a liar, please refuse to be lied to.
Don't ever pretend to be courageous when you are scared,its okay to be scared that's human, but it's not comfortable to be scared I know that, so learn to over come it instead of ignoring or praying for it to go away,because guess what sweetie that fear will never go , good luck avoiding it.
I dared to challenge all their teachings and dared to show my true self to a girl who thought I was perfect but I was far from perfect and still are.
At that time,acting perfect was my default I never tried to confront my pain, I think I have stayed longer in my pain than I should have but I'm ready to make things change and to make my life Better , my upcoming plans will be shared another day.
Because of her I saw that maybe its possible that I was fed lies🙆that was both a eye opener and shocker of me.
All my "weird" behaviours were accepted, I was really different feeling for me being honest ,from that time I got motivated to challenge the masculine model we all men follow and recreate a more effective one.
🙆It feels like a set up because I have only seen a lot of pain, all day everyday but I'm ready to give up my fear of commitment and attachment which has been holding me back for a while , from being the best boy friend I can be😘, i have still have this deep fear that my attaching way of being will make me be alone again manufactured by the teachings of these men👤but avoiding attachment will make me not enjoy love and I'm one who enjoys love alot or it will make me push away from people who care about me which leads to one place, alone but quietly sad.👣and its not a comfortable place to be in.
However things could break,I will not let that happen with my ability and I know she won't let that happen , she will fight with me to make things work and that's one of the honourable and loving ways I have ever seen, the effort she puts in to make things work even when I'm stubborn and grumpy , she endures till the end of the heat which is one of the things i love the most about her, "Not giving up on me".
Always know the person that has rejected you, that always gives me relief, knowing what I was saved from, it looks really hard to do but if you carefully looked at The situation, you would value the fact that you aren't with the person, Trust me only after a while I have seen that one of the good things that have happened to me was rejection because they denied me what I wanted and gave me what I deserved.Some good point to have in the back of your mind.
I hope to get the idea I'm talking about, "Never show who you are ",
"People are just hoping for the next time to strike", thinking like this, is just a recipe for disaster.
The world Out there is dark but has many loving yet like minded people don't cut out people immediately, we all have flaws and aren't perfect , you aren't perfect , people tolerate you too along with your bad behaviours, I'm not saying accept bad behaviour ,speak up if the person, refuses to change , pay attention to your actions and the value of the connection. No one wants to piss off those they love, doing that could have a reason.
I'm saying be okay with facing challenging times with people,even those you love and be a little more understanding and forgiving only with those who desire to do the same thing(get their point across not cause chaos) while you keep in mind that no one is perfect and will make mistakes, proof of that is yourself, so cutting off at first sight of bad behaviour is bound to keep you alone for a very long time.
The image that led to my depression and almost suicide 👺 ahh, over given y'all advice and tips...
These I will debunk......
1. You never to show you care.
This one was a big one for me,I care so much so telling me that I should never care in order to get love was the killer for me and made me miserable and till this day causes occasional misery, when I feel like someone is pulling away because I care so much.
I'm trying to not take personal the rejection of the care that I offer , if its taken as weakness and a reason to undermine me I don't have the capacity to work with you 💀or even hate you, but I will offer a hand whenever I can offer it and receiving it is up to you, I won't think low of my care because you didn't take it💆someone else desires it or that is what they need at that moment, so why get mad at you when I can spend that time making someone else smile and think more positively about themselves.A lovely reframe you should invest into adopting 😊, just going out giving out the value you have to those who will appreciate it but when those who took it for granted return you don't have this ego problem preventing you from forgiving them, you can give it to them because they have realised no one is like you and you just aren't some thing you could find anywhere but while reminding that for them to stay , they have to respect you.
2. Never share that you have emotions.
I buried my depression for years on end and feeling the effect of something that happened years before .
I guess there is some truth to this , not every one will tolerate you in your emotional state or not everyone wants to deal with them. So do what you can and seek help from those who genuinely desire to help and see you through the struggle.Don't go around displaying your emotions, not everyone is comfortable with such displays for personal reasons which have nothing to do with you, so share with people you know are ready and willing to sit through this pain with you and if someone isn't ready to that, don't take it personally.... Its okay, remember its not much about what a person says but how much they care
You would rather get a caring person who can remind how much you mean to them than get a person who wants to stuff you up with Info , info and more info to make your sadness go away, in my opinion the person doesn't care so much about your feelings.
So if sharing my depression , after I have found you worthy is a bad thing , I am okay with it 😄and won't take it personally because not everyone could understand, Care or help.
3. Getting options will make you the Man.
This is a shaky place to live in,if you must live life thinking about how many people you have managed to get and you pin that your attractiveness to that number , you are bound to get miserable if that number suddenly disappears, so develop confidence based on the appreciation you have for yourself and your features.
Comments
Post a Comment